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When two people get married, they set out on an adventure to build a family together. But what if it doesn’t work out? What happens to the family when the marriage aspect is over? It is very important to handle matters carefully to avoid damaging all of the people involved. No matter how difficult it was for the couple to live together, it is very important that they manage to walk away with the ability to communicate in a civil manner. If there are children, they should be kept up-to-date on what is happening with Mom and Dad. Family activities involving both parents should continue in a limited manner. This will only be possible if both parties can forgive themselves and each other.

Your children will not be able to adjust to their new lifestyle if animosity continues. If the children see you behaving badly, they will behave badly. Behaving in a polite manner with each other will make life easier for your children and you. Your children will transition better if you transition well, so keep it cordial. Children from broken homes do not have to experience constant trauma. If you strive to get along, you will go a long way toward making the experience something your children can not only survive, but learn from and use as a growth experience.

The way you communicate your decision to separate is of utmost importance. Both parents should sit down together with the children and speak frankly about what is going on. The children have a right to understand the situation, although they do not need to know every detail about what brought you to this point. Speaking to your children in a forthright manner about the divorce will help them to continue to feel part of a family, even if the logistics of the family are changing. By remaining “in the loop”, children will feel more confident that they can cope with the future.

Children are creatures of habit, and it is important to create and maintain a reliable schedule. Once you have devised your schedule, it is very important to follow it. In this way, your children will get a sense of structure. This will help them to feel more secure.
Even if you and your ex-spouse live a long distance apart, you must make every effort to provide this for your children. In your separate homes, be sure each child has a place to call his or her own. They will find security in having a little hideaway.

As your children grow they will participate in more outside activities. With these activities it is paramount that both parents are involved in supporting them in their endeavors. When work and distance make being there impossible, set aside time to make as many functions as possible. Being there for your children displays your commitment and love for them even after the breakup. Also, they work in their activities, and they deserve your attendance and support to keep them going on.

Of course, it is very tempting and easy to stay mad, place blame, and sling accusations in a divorce situation. Rise above it. It’s important to your kids. Forgiveness doesn’t always happen overnight, but when it is accomplished, everyone will be happier. If you just can’t bury the hatchet on your own, seek some guidance. See a counselor, pastor, or other trusted advisor. Put peacemaking at the top of your list of priorities. No matter what it takes, it is worth the effort.

Children should be the number one consideration in a break-up. As parents you are responsible for the experiences they go through. The scenes they see will have a lasting impression on them and will form their behavior. If you can manage your personal differences with your ex-spouse in a mature and calm manner, it will make a big difference to your children’s ability to accept the situation. Put your best foot forward and exercise self-restraint at all times. Do everything you can to assure your children’s safety, security, and comfort in this difficult situation. Your success at this will reverberate throughout your children’s lives.