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In my wilder moments I sometimes tell people that I play golf. They may well conjure up images in their heads of Jack Nicklaus and myself laughing together over the round we just played, but the truth is that actually you’ll probably find me crying in a patch of overgrown wilderness with my club wrapped firmly round a sycamore and a score card that looks more like a selection of lottery numbers. Jack Nicklaus, on the other hand, who has never heard of me, is the renowned world champion golfer, and is quite good at it. I bet he’s never had an encounter with a sycamore and a patch of thistles.

When he’s not hitting birdies and eagles, Jack tends to also excel at designing golf courses, and he’s created quite a few. I just read somewhere that he has recently designed nine full courses for Polaris World. They’re all laid out nearby each other so that the lucky residents get to play through 162 holes. The article didn’t say how many sycamores there are on the course, but I’m pretty sure I’d fine most of them pretty quickly. Still, at least the lakes would be pretty to look at while wondering whether to risk diving in to find my ball. There is certainly something to be said for a lifestyle which involves living in luxurious Spanish properties, constantly bathed in sunshine, with enough golf to last a lifetime.

I have some neighbours that live near me, as neighbours tend to do, and they seem to live in Spain more than they do here. I can understand that - they always seem to come back happy and tanned, and it makes me wonder why I don’t do the same thing. When I look out of my window at rows of other houses all soaked with cold rain and bathed in grey gloom the idea of moving to a sunny resort like Spain does have its appeal, but then, it always seems to be other people that actually get on and do these sorts of things. For me though, what really caught my attention was the fact that some companies, like Polaris World that advertise on television, have made golf the real focal point.

I was trying to play a game of golf at my local course recently, and it wasn’t easy. We’d had a lot of rain lately - which isn’t surprising, it’s what we’re known for here. The problem was that the whole course was so waterlogged that I was seriously considering trading in my golf cart for a dinghy. Rowing across to the eighth whilst waving a cheery greeting to some poor soul who’s stranded on the edge of a bunker and looks very much as though he’s Man Friday is not the traditional or preferred style of playing golf. If I liked getting wet I’d have taken up swimming and if I enjoyed getting muddy I’d have taken up rugby.

So that’s what made me think that moving to Spain sounds like a great idea. Imagine it - nine golf courses, endless sun, beautiful views, guaranteed good weather. Sounds like a dream. Maybe those neighbours of mine have got the right idea. But then there’s the hassle of moving over there and it all is so difficult, I wonder whether it’s worthwhile. But amazingly, I recently found out that many of these companies that deal with overseas property actually offer free trips over there to have a look and see what it would be like. They’ll even throw in a round of golf while you’re there. A free trip to Spain? A round of golf on a Jack Nicklaus course - it’s all sounding very tempting. I may even start to consider what I’d look like with a tan and a smile.

Do you know what your house is worth? I had mine valued recently, and paid little attention to it. Then I saw one of those television adverts for overseas property with golf courses and sun, and couldn’t believe that the cheapest houses there were half the cost of my home, and for the price my house is worth I could get a grand villa! Imagine that - a grand villa in Spain with all that sun, a private balcony overlooking the mountains on one side and the blue ocean on the other, and 162 holes just crying out for me to try to sink a small white ball into them. And even more bunkers starting to get excited at the prospect of more company.

I know that the idea of moving there sounds too much like hassle, but then I keep looking out of my window at the gloom and grey, and think about how I get up in the morning. You know, I don’t even bother to open the curtains sometimes. There’s nothing much to look at except grey skies, gloomy faces and the rain dripping off the gutters onto the muddy patch that I laughably refer to as my garden. But I have an image in my head of how I would feel waking up in my own villa in Spain. From one window I would be able to look across at the ponderous mountains as they yawn their way towards the purple haze of the horizon, and in the other direction I would watch the yachts skip across the cheerful blue ocean. Apparently the sea is blue over there - imagine that, clear blue water on your doorstep that doesn’t mean you’ve been flooded.

That free trip to try things out is very tempting, and I suppose I have nothing to lose. If all else fails, I’ll get a free trip to Spain, and a good game of golf. Well, as good as my game of golf is ever likely to get. My only handicap is myself. The adverts and brochures all used to see aimed at people who were retiring to Spain, or had bags of spare cash to invest, but today companies like Polaris World seem to be aiming more at people like me as well. Ordinary people who want something more than just damp, cold gloom. I like the idea of getting up in the morning and looking forward to a game of golf, rather than wondering if the weather will be good enough to let me make a dash to the car. The adverts certainly make the whole process sound easy. You never know, I might even bump into Jack as he designs his tenth course there. Maybe he’ll give me a few tips. Maybe I’ll give him some too. Maybe.